Damn! I failed

Hi guys, in my last case study session (courtesy of the Community Innovation Hub), I was taught Effective Communication, talking and listening, passing messages across, you get the gist and my instructor said something intriguing and I quote his statement - “Attaching emotions to statements is the primary reason why misunderstandings between people occur especially in teams”.

I was curious about what he meant and he backed it up by illustrating a scenario in which you did something stupid and you were called out by a friend, the friend tells you “What you did was stupid”, but what you and I would interpret is that you are being called stupid when the statement clearly says YOUR ACTIONS not YOUR PERSON was stupid. Now because you attached emotion to the statement, you got the wrong message, a great example of poor communication that happens to us every day. You get that right?

Now let’s bring this home. You fail a test or worse an exam, your immediate reaction and probable emotional response as a person is to think “I am a failure”; Why? Did you fail at being a human? Did you fail in every factor that makes you a person of your standing? Then how are you a failure? Ponder on that?

During the recent release of results by my institution of learning for the session, I was as tense as any other person in my shoes could be, I found myself thinking about it a lot and how I would be a failure if my academic performance was poor, constant belittling of myself and my abilities with the mindset of “preparing for the worst in case it happens”, safe to say, it was a depressing period and all for what, I did great in the aftermath but to be honest, after self- inspection which I constantly advise everyone to do regularly, I realized even if I happened to have failed, it was quite backward-minded of me to degrade myself as a person for not passing a course. A course shouldn’t dictate my worth nor my abilities, failing it should be my cause to get better at whatever it was that brought my general performance down. I went ahead to make research, read articles and connect with other people to understand the concept of failing. That’s my story - lesson learned, perspective readjusted. How about you?

Not everyone gets to evaluate their emotional attachment to their performance and I’m here to let you know that you should. You need to understand that how you react to failures or undesired outcomes determines your personal growth and improvement. Your go-to after failing should not be emotional breakdowns nor inferiority complexes but critical reasoning; with that established, what should be your reaction to failure?

First, you should make Assessments – You failed, take a deep breath, accept the occurrence and immediately think about the situation critically. Ask yourself what kind of failure is it? Is it a minor setback or a significant failure? Understand the gravity of failing what it was and how it affects your performance and/or plans, that’s your first assessment. Afterwards, your consecutive assessment would be Why did I fail? What went wrong? What are my short-comings? Be totally sincere and honest with yourself in this stage, it won’t work with a half-assed introspect. This process helps you to identify your mistakes and what you need to work on. It is a form of reflection that makes sure you adjust your strategies and make better decisions in future.

Next, learn to Build your perseverance – After failure, don’t give up, your dreams won’t be actualized when you quit, add resilience to your skillset. After assessing the situation and understanding the necessary causes and the appropriate solutions, you push forward, you develop yourself and you work to defeat those shortcomings. You have to persevere to overcome failures.

Following that step, you need to Innovate and work on your assessment solutions – You know what’s wrong, you know what you have to do, you are capable of pushing, then act! It’s not just about listing your problems and accepting them; your shortcomings should not be justified else you will never get better. Work on them, create solutions, be aggressive in your performance restoration. Think outside the box, if need be, personalize your approaches and keep track of your progress in your process of trouble-shooting.

Lastly, have a Mindset shift – Your mindset towards failure needs to be healthy and plausible. Realistically, failure is a natural process in life and it is mostly inevitable at some phase in life. Failure is a stepping-stone not a mountain hill in the course of life. Failure is not an end-point, it is an avenue to inculcate self-improvement and a factor that plays towards your success in life. Liberate yourself from the fear of failure, embrace the idea of overcoming failure and strive to never fail the same thing twice. Understand that failure does not speak of your potential for greatness or worth in life.

• Assess

• Persevere

• Innovate

• Reason factually

That should be your go-to after a 39 in that course.

In summary, your views and response to failure determines whether you end up lesser than your worth or greater than your shortcomings.

Have a successful new week, my darling readers!